Belly rumpling, feeling tired and light headed I could not take it anymore. I was starving and needed food fast!
Stumbling into the kitchen I thought to myself — “Just something small, just a little snack to settle my hunger a bit.”
Let me tell you, once I started eating I could not stop!
Before I realized what had happened, I already demolished three peanut butter sandwiches, six chocolate chip cookies, and spooned empty half of an entire nutella jar. Yikes!
Instead of stopping though, I continued eating. I failed anyways so why not just indulge in more food, right?
Feeling guilty and so terribly unhappy after, I told myself — “I’ll get right back on track tomorrow and eat absolutely nothing to make up for it”
Wow! What an unhealthy mindset! I can’t believe I did this to myself.
Growing up I never had a problem with food, since I have always been active I never struggled with weight gain. I suppose the pressure of social media, and the unrealistic body images triggered me. I got upset with the way I looked and to think I wasn’t good enough and attractive enough was absolutely absurd!
Learning To Love And Accept Myself
Starving myself pretty much all week with less than 1200 calories per day, I was feeling weak and became extremely food focused. Counting every single calorie that went into my mouth I thought the less I eat, the faster results will show.
The amount of calories you should eat in a day depends on your height, weight, age, and activity level. Obviously there are safe ways to loose weight and you can find a lot of useful information online. (livestrong.com)
I however, was clueless and had no idea how much I was hurting my body. Being intensely active and burning a lot of calories every day, my body was screaming for more food and vitamins to consume!
After a few months of barely eating anything, I started to experience side symptoms; frequent dizzy spells, terrible mood swings, always feeling tired with no energy I was a wreck.
Aware that something had to change and that I could not go on living like this I knew I had to stop my unhealthy diet. But how could I? Gaining weight scared me and I was striving, aiming to look top notch with “the perfect” body.
Getting quite a lot of attention and compliments from coworkers, friends, and even strangers on how thin and good I looked motivated me even more to continue my unhealthy diet.
How did I start loving and accepting myself for who I was?
Trying to eat extremely healthy ended up not being healthy at all.
Cutting out all chocolates, fats, and carbs from my diet I had some intense cravings! When others ate donuts and burgers, I would eat salads and fruits, and even then I was aware of my calorie intake.
Obviously the cravings took the better of me and when they did, I could not stop binging on all things sweet. The amount I was eating was insane! I felt guilty and embarrassed so I was eating secretly, hiding, so no one would see.
Starting to not restrict any food groups helped me find my balance. No more cravings because I learned to listen to my body. I still eat pretty healthy, but if I want a piece of chocolate after lunch, or if I’m craving ice cream after dinner I won’t say no.
Now that my mind knows I can have anything I want, my cravings are almost non existent.
Treat yourself and don’t feel guilty doing so. You are feeding your precious body so learn to love and enjoy the food you are consuming!
Being obsessed with the scale, I weight myself multiple times a day.
Having this particular number in mind on what my ideal weight should be, I was devastated whenever I had gained a few extra pounds overnight. I’d make up for it by eating next to nothing the entire day to get back to my “normal” weight.
Unhappy and fed up with the constant pressure of maintaining a certain weight, I started asking myself if it was really worth sacrificing my happiness for. After all, why should a number on the scale have a such a huge impact on my life?
Knowing how much it mattered to me and that I got triggered every time I did step on that damn scale, I stopped weighing myself for good.
Weight can fluctuate by as much as ten pounds everyday, which is totally normal. Reason for that would be hydration and fluid balance, depending how much water you consume a day and how often you go to the bathroom. Hormones, as well as muscle mass are all so critical to weight gain. (healthysimplelife.com)
Understanding all this by doing my research, helped me forget the scale and I focused more on how I felt, rather than a stupid number that really means nothing.
As I mentioned earlier, I have always been extremely active, running was and will always be my passion. Yet, when I was in a calorie deficit it was hard for me to keep up with my daily training, do to lack of energy.
Starting to dread going for my runs I felt like poop!
Slacking off and not being able to run half as long as I usually did, I did not nourish my body like I should have, and still expecting to have the same results in my training was absolutely nuts!
Running was too important for me to give up, and seeing that my body could not keep up with my training I had to get my perspectives straight!
After changing my eating habits and increasing my calorie intake, my training improved and I felt healthier again. Focusing on my happiness and keeping myself occupied with the things I love to do (like running) I stopped focusing so much on my “looks” and started to enjoy life by just being myself.
No more calorie counting, no more starving myself to look a certain way, no more binge eating, no more food restricting!
When I’m hungry I eat, period.